cry for help introspection

What if this is as good as it gets?

10:00:00 AMPaul

As having this site under my (half) of my thumb makes me so grateful that I have a place to open up my head and spill it's vile contents onto a public forum. Now, I'm not arrogant enough to think that everyone who we are lucky enough to have view this website reads every word we type, and hang with bated breathe on our every opinion. There is something cathartic, and therapeutic to posting you inner most thoughts, and letting the world see that you are vulnerable, and that your brain refuses to stay dormant.

Probably plenty of people are aware of this movie, and maybe wrote it off as a romantic comedy for your parents. "As Good As It Gets" is a pretty solid movie about a 60 year old Nicholson falling in love with a asexual Helen Hunt, all the while berating gay people, then wrapping up nicely in an unrealistic love story.

I've watched this movie more than once, and usually peek at it when it's on TV, but the one thing that haunts me like an uncharged murder is the titular (giggle) line,

"What if this is as good as it gets?"

Innocent enough question, right? At first listen its almost a sing-song elementary school ethos, but for whatever reason my toxic brain has encoded it into my consciousness.

The question I suppose is to inspire the idea of regaining your perspective on your life, and finding out that you are not satisfied and striving to achieve whatever goal is deep down inside of you. To inspire so much contempt that you pull yourself from depression and go out and win, win, win! Well, gosh, that quote is good enough for a coffee mug, or desk calendar!

What if you are happy? Then this is just a confirmation of how great you are, and what you have earned from here on out.

Obviously this question is open for debate on its intended meaning, and that's what makes it so profound to me.

I see it as a reminder of your mortality. At any moment everything you've built, earned, and accumulated could be gone. All your sensibilities, morals, and personality all vanish instantly.

The fact that we work so hard to be the person we are happy with, and in most cases the person other people are happy with; our entire body of work gone. The question baits the idea of making peace with everything around you and letting it live in your heart.

So the question still lingers - what if? You need to take account of all your living assets and place immediate value on them and stamp them green or red. It may seem impossible, but why not try? Why not gather everything in your arms and place value on them?

When you hold everything you hold dear in your life you can maybe truly see what's toxic and what's precious. Hold them close to your heart let them feel you while you quietly value them.

What if this is as good as it gets?

Why not.

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