diary of a madman featured Gravediggaz 8:02:00 AMRyan Noble
best of 2015 downloads featured 11:14:00 AMPaul Clemente
This is such a perfect summer jam, it really is. Major Lazer tones down the dance-hall horns and reggae MC's to give a nice chill song about just having friends to "lean on". The mellow almost tropical beat is such a great song to have on while having some late night beers next to a fire around friends. Check it out, as always, for free!
featured japanese japants 12:57:00 PMPaul Clemente
This man, Beat Takeshi, is a Japanese director, comedian, singer, actor, show host, film editor, presenter, screenwriter, author, poet, painter, and one-time video game designer. He played the teacher in one of my favorite movies of all time Battle Royale After a long standup career, he hosted the wildly popular Takeshi's Castle which was a game show in which the contestants did bizarre and difficult stunts to advance. It turned into the Spike TV Show MXC.
So this game ....
You start at this screen and from what I've read you can tap the punch button 30,720 times to go right to the ending.
If you're not into wasting hours on that you can actually play the game and burn hours that way. You enter a password screen with an old man who asks you for a password if you want to continue from an old save point. They give you a "PUNCH" option and if you do it you lose the game and start again.
If you resist the urge to punch and old man you play the game as a disgraced Salaryman who gets berated by his boss. Not fired, you just get yelled at. Of course you can punch him, but you can fight your way out of the predicament and head out to a really open ended world with literally no direction. You can go to a bar and drink, you can shop, you can go to the bank, you know all awesome video game stuff for kids.
So I didn't really know how else to summarize the insanity of this game because there is literally so much of it. It's really endless and 99% of what you do either results in a "Game Over" or an endless loop of fighting Yakuza outside until you inevitably die I am going to run through the steps on how you actually beat the game since the steps are insane enough to make this entertaining.
So when your boss yells at you; don't punch him you are supposed to ignore him.
So when you get money you get to purchase some awesome weapon or item or magic or dragon to ride, right?! right?! Nope! Get your grown ass to the bank and make a withdraw.
¥ because after your run in with your boss you need to hustle to the Culture Club and take some Shamisen lessons. Keep in mind this is the only way to complete the game and the only way you would know this is by insane trial and error or astounding luck. Then you need to head home and talk to your family.
Your wife isn't happy to see you. You're a drunk and a shitty Shamisen player (although you took a lesson today). She wants a divorce.
Then you go back to work fresh off a good music lesson and divorce and you have a quit your job.
tips hotline, or anything for this digital nightmare.
So you're a divorced, jobless, amateur Shamisen player who dreams of one day Hang-Gliding and the next thing on your plate is gambling. Off to the Pachinko parlor to gamble what little money you have left away.
After you're a now broke, divorced, jobless, amateur Shamisen player who dreams of one day Hang-Gliding the Pachinko lady tells you "... you don't have enough balls."
Then you have to figure out you have to yell into the Player 2 controller's built in microphone. What? Yep with the first generation of Famicom (Japanese Nintendo) it came with a mic. The mic was unsuccessful so they discontinued it. If you didn't have a first gen controller this is where the game ends for you. If you somehow organically yell into the controller they will tell you to "Shut up, you dick!" and you have to fight Yakuza.
If you survive the Yakuza attack the owner gives you 50,000 balls in which you have to buy a Shamisen. NOT the treasure map which is the convoluted point of the game which is just another cruel trick that this game plays on you.
So now you're a broke, divorced, jobless, amateur Shamisen player who dreams of one day Hang-Gliding that OWNS a Shamisen now you head off to Karaoke bar to rock some 8 bit booty.
When you get all 3 songs, the demand you leave the place and send in Yakuza after you. You beat the shit out of them. Then an old man comes out of no where and gives you the map you want/need. Then you beat the shit out of him.
Now you have the treasure map! After divorce, unemployment, gambling, and fighting you have the MAP! YES! YOU HAVE THE MAP!
1) Soak in Water - You have to not touch a thing on the controller for more than 5 minutes but less than 10. Once you hit that sweet spot you have to cry/scream/shout into the mic to progress.
2) Expose to the Sun - You have to leave the game on and untouched for AN HOUR! If you touch a button you ruin the paper. Game over, start again.
Then you go to the airport and fly to the island to where the treasure is.
If you make it passed the insanely difficult hang-gliding stage you hit the final cave.
So after divorcing your wife, losing your job, becoming an amateur Samisen player who dreamt of hang-gliding, who lost all his money playing Pachiko, having the blood of dozens of Yakuza on his hands, who mercilessly beat an old man to death and unlocked the secrets of a treasure map, then fought UFO's on a hang-glider with gun and killed Pirates to obtain a treasure ... you open the chest and ...
That's it. Nothing more. A final thumb in the eye of anyone unfortunate enough to player this mad-man's electronic torture device.
Did you wake up to your dog drinking from the toilet this morning? Sick of coming home and wondering why you K-9 thinks it is an acceptable greeting to attempt to hump your leg without even making you dinner or saying hello first?
Yeah, I don't really get to mad over these things either...
However, I am sure you LOVE smart cats!
This #MoreCats is dedicated to smart cats! (Or mostly just cats with glasses..)
downloads featured free music 11:59:00 AMPaul Clemente
Ahhhhh, The National my favorite gloomy indie rock band. While this isn't a "Jam" per se, it's another gem in the crown of the Ohio quintet. They released this song by surprise online to accompany their documentary Mistaken for Strangers.
This song is a metaphor for fighting Meth addiction. It samples the lonely, painful, and dangerous side of addiction and laments "sunshine on my back the only kind I like" is the feeling of being clean and having it all behind him.
Disagree? Please do. Enjoy the song for yourself. For free. No bullshit.
In the US, he's best known for his short stories but his style, or at least the accurately translated style I'm familiar with, lends itself incredibly well to engaging, dramatic stories liberated from cliche or cheap tricks.
His novel The Lake is not generally considered one of his essential works but it is among my very favorite books. It touches upon the general sensation of guilt and uncertainty that pervades my everyday life from two different perspectives and rarely gives the reader an opportunity to escape the tension. Few writers employ the quiet grace and subtlety that Kawabata mastered, observing each character's perversions and insecurities with a distant deliberation devoid of judgment and sensationalism.
Beauty and Sadness is referred to as Kawabata's final work but I hesitate to make that claim because who know what will be unearthed in the future, when people are consulting cXnX daily for their literary recommendations. It is, however, a fine work, stunning and monumental in its depictions of landscape and relationships, often leading us to comparisons between the two and asking ourselves what is natural behavior (I would hope) in a way that rivals if not bests E.M. Forster's work. Specifically, his treatment of the female characters in this book is inspired. Or inspirational. Both?
Kawabata isn't unnecessarily optimistic, nor is he some overt nihilist looking merely to demoralize the writer. His novels are terse and compact. His characters are strong and flawed. To me, Kawabata's stories do everything good literature was invented to do: not simply reflect us and not merely allow us escape, but create scenarios where we see ourselves and continually keep us invested in the actions of the characters, not just the consequences. Kawabata's style does everything for me that I read to make happen. It is quiet, reflective leisure time well spent, enriching in both spirit and intellect.
best of 2015 downloads featured 11:17:00 AMPaul Clemente
There are very few bands as fun as The Vaccines. They come at you with catchy punk hooks, singable lyrics, and just a general good feeling from a band who doesn't make you work to enjoy their art. When will the world learn that the key to a good song is fucking HAND CLAPS!! Anyways, please enjoy this song as you destroy your steering wheel drumming with the windows down this summer. This IS a jam.
You can download it HERE for free. No catch. I just want you to enjoy a song I enjoy.
Sometimes do you wish you were someone or something else? Ever wake up and think, "Ugh, another day, same routine... KILL ME!"?
Well, cats never feel that way. I mean, they wake up, eat, poop, get pets and go back to sleep. Luckily though they are owned by people who get bored of their smart phones and their moonshoes and because of their own insecurities they end up killing time by dressing their cats up. Before this comes across as me making fun, I do this as well..
And luckily, many others do as well! All hail cats in disguise!
2015 tracks featured songs 1:17:00 PMConstrux Nunchux
It's Ian's turn!!!
So, when you get to my age, when you're exactly like me, you begin losing interest in new music--that is, music that's new to you. It becomes a chore to explore everything about new bands the same in-depth way you did in your energetic youth. And when you do find something you really enjoy, you feel shades of embarrassment that you didn't know about it sooner or regret that you weren't exposed to something that could have changed your life at an earlier time before it all started going wrong.
But lately, I have been investigating a slew of jazz recordings. In the early days, I listened plenty to Louis Armstrong and Billie Holiday. This recording below, Sonny Rollins' "St. Thomas" is fantastically catchy. I am not a musician by trade or by my own admission, but even I can appreciate the skill in creating rhythmic texture, specifically Max Roach on drums. The top melody is wonderful and memorable, reminiscent even of something Satchmo may have scatted in some long forgotten session. It has an upbeat tempo and liveliness to it, so much so that it could possibly be subtitled "When Deez Nuts Go Marching In".
Anyway, I'm really enjoying this new world of music that I've never more than scratched the surface of and then immediately applied some antibiotic cream to. You're welcome along, musicians and non musicians on what I hope will be a completely honest, unthreatening and unpretentious look at a style of music so independent and ever-changing, it could even be considered its own stand-alone artform. I wanna make this a dialogue about things we love, so feel free to share some urls below in the comments section.
featured japanese japants 8:34:00 AMPaul Clemente
I am going to open the Pandora's Box of Japanese insane cinema with a post about Funky Forest: First Contact (Naisu No Mori). I first saw this movie with +Ian Insect when I was visiting him in Construx Chicago (Site of Lobster Lobby Season 1). I have to admit that I wasn't sober and it severely limited my cognizance of reality. It turns out, that it really didn't matter what state of mind I was in; I was never going to understand it.
The movie is two and a half hours of an "outrageous collection of surreal, short attention span non-sequiturs" which translates of a bunch of this ...
The movie itself is pretty innovative with Japan's signature blend of creativity and uncomfortable humor. The story moves from scene to scene each disjointed and jarring from the previous setting. It ranges everywhere to a beautiful piece of art to, frantic animation, to more of this ...
Funky Forest Just refuses to be quantified into a category, type, or mold and perhaps that's why I liked it so much, You can watch it at face value or delve into the pathos of every scene and you can still be fulfilled.
If you want to watch the whole movie you can right HERE.
If you do anything, watch the scene below which may be the strangest in all of cinematic history.
#MoreCats has FINALLY made its return to the internet! You asked for it and after months of ignoring you we have decided that it was time to bring back the internets favorite hashtag!
#MoreCats will feature a theme. That theme will have 10 (or so) images to go in that post. This weeks theme is: Angry Cats.
Cat Danger cats Cats Suck 8:58:00 AMBrian Blystone
At ToonsShow.com, we have a very strict "No Cats" policy. Call it bias. Call it prejudice. Call it my terrible allergies. Or just blame the dog. But ToonsShow.com is decidedly a Cat-Free Zone.
But that doesn't mean that we, at Toons, are unaware of cats and what they bring to the world. Oh, no. We would argue that we are more aware than most and that what cats bring to the world is DANGER!
However, one of the more important things I learned in the Army is that situational awareness and vigilant preparedness can trump nearly any danger that exists. With that in mind, I present to you, the readers of ConstruxNunchux a visual guide to identifying exactly how much of a threat your cat - or someone else's cat - poses to your person.
HowToons is a continuing periodic series of posts which are available on both ToonsShow.com and ConstruxNunchux.com. Each HowToons will be available as "exclusive" content on one site or the other for a period of time before appearing on the other - except for this post because of the aforementioned No Cats policy. Follow @ToonsShow on twitter to keep up to date on HowToons and the Toons and Toons Game Time podcasts.
2015 tracks featured free music 8:44:00 AMRyan Noble
From the man who brought us some of the greatest dis tracks The Jokerr returns with.. Another dis track. Though the track mostly seems to be about him saying he can do what he wants; The Jokerr finds a way to make fun of ICP and Juggalo fans.
Though, the chorus or as the kids these days call "the hook" may lack fire, this track has some pretty great lyrics. Also, he says vagina with balls. If that doesn't make you laugh there is a good chance you are not human.. Or you are an adult..
2015 tracks best of 2015 downloads 1:13:00 PMPaul Clemente
This is off Prodigy's 6th album, "The Day is My Enemy". Man, remember Prodigy? They were atop my favorite lists in the late 90's and they really continued to make solid music throughout their career with understated albums "Always Outnumbered Never Outgunned" and "Invaders Must Die". You just have to know what you're getting into with Prodigy; unforgiving frayed beats that pummel you laced with the caustic lyrics of Prodigy madmen Keith Flint or Maxim Reality. This song is really no exception as the sweet Ella Fitzgerald sample tip toes between the shrapnel of thumping bass and militaristic drums pounding. It's a great song to kick you in the ass and take on the day's challenges.
So please enjoy it. no joke. There it is. For free. No bullshit, no viruses, or anything because I'm not smart enough.
Download it HERE
In Japan, they love - and I mean LOVE - strange nudity. They incorporate depraved sexuality in almost everything they do, television, commercials, advertisements, vending machines, and especially video games. There are dozen's of games that challenge traditional thinking and railroads your mind with bizarre premises and uncomfortable situations. Today's game Boong-Ga! Boong-Ga! (Spank 'Em Spank 'Em) is not only the exception but it very well may be the example.
Boong-Ga Boong-Ga is a real life thing.
After years of rocking out with his metal band Kishidan, DJ Ozma came out of nowhere by performing at the 57th Kōhaku which is like Japan's Grammy's but with voting in a four hour New Year's Eve spectacular. Ozma claimed to have something special planned for the event while performing his his 2006 hit "Age Age Every Knight". That something special included about a hundred people on stage in a choreographed dance, magic, people flying on stage, and women in flesh colored jump leotards with boobs drawn on them. At the end of the show the women took off their pants and had some kind of mushroom/wang pasted over their naughty bits.