dusty rhodes shallow analysis

cXnX: Shallow Analysis - Dusty Rhodes

12:09:00 AMPaul Clemente







You know trallin' true-out his cuntree Dusty Rhodes is recognized everywhere cause of his hats, not his eyes!
Because of his ha-air, his ability and his rap!

How Dusty sees himself?


Paul:
Dusty Rhodes was never quite respected enough for his rap game and I can respect his anamosity towards that fact. His lispy flow was undeniable. His soft poodle-like hair drove the ladies wild and although his hats are incredible they are only a fraction of the man we ever saw.

Ian:  So many people in the biz rely on their eyes, their keen hawk-like vision.  Not Dusty Rhodes.  The man rallied round the ring like a coked-up Ray Charles, ready to take out any New Jacks steppin iz paff!  And he's never made this clearer than on his 1987 Crossover single "Dusty's Rap", featured on the Interscope release Down Dusty's Drawerz.  We all recall the famous ad-libbed line "Dusty don't sweat when he's in a bind / Just look into my eyes, oh wait... umm... Stop recordin'!"

Ryan:
In Canada, though Dusty will always be respected for his hats, and sometimes his eyes. Though he earned most of his love from us for his Rap. No man since Dusty Rhodes has there been a time when denim was worn the way that it was meant to be worn.

Dusty Rhodes known allovada world. They dont need to look at my face, my clothes to know who I am!

Paul: 
I'm not clear on how him being nude and faceless would help his reputation but I have to agree - it couldn't hurt!

Ian:  I was sorely disappointed to hear him say that after his endorsement for a line of jeans, Dusty's Dusters, by Levi's.  You remember, the only jeans with the American Dream on the bottom.

Ryan:
Though I think we only benefit from seeing his face and clothing, I gotta agree with the man. If he had no face, I would recognize him. 

We talkinboutta half a meelin' dollas a yeer. Not a hunnid dollas a week, ya unnerstand? Dats what we talkin' bout.

Paul:
Pretty powerful move by Dusty here paying homage to his old friend. He's clearly referencing his feud with Barry "Hunnid Dollas" Rex. Back in 1979 Dusty and Barry took their feud all over the southern promotions over a case of mistaken identity. Barry was certain Dusty was the person his wife left him for due to his dreamy eyes and expensive hats. Dusty left the southern promotions for the lustrous AWA company leaving Barry without a suitable angle to continue his career. Barry "Hunnid" Rex changed his gimmick to being the "Hundred Dollar Wrestler" but it didn't go over to the southern crowd as being too "arrogant". In early 1980 Barry died peacefully in his home surrounded by family after complications from bear inflicted injures.


Barry "Hunnid" Rex 1949-1980


Ian:  Actually, Dusty, that's not at all what we were talkin about at all.  Dusty had a nasty habit of flingin his salary in everyone's face, which really seemed a like a lot more than it actually was, due to Dusty's weakness with addition.  Even though Dusty was one of the highest paid celebrities in the late 1950's, his arithmetic failings wouldn't be topped until the next century by an eager, young Scott Steiner.

Ryan:
Though Paul could be right here, I just think he is talking about the fat cash he makes. Touring the world, entertaining for fans all over who spend all their money to watch Dusty do his thing. As the man said, "Not a hunnid dollas a week, ya understand?" Of course I do Dusty, you could not of been more clear!

Ric Flair goin' around the cuntree talkin' about how gray he is. I just got a letter from "Olundz" out in Porlin. Dads gonna send me a kiss real shorty. Dats how strong we are. And "Olundz" I know you be listening right now and I'm monbee ban for yunderstand? cuz im lookin farm.

Paul:
The dig on Flair from seemingly out of no where? No. Ric Flair was the man since the day he was born. In fact every wrestler that was worth anything in the business had a clause in their contract to mention Flair once per promo. Mid carders had to mention them 3-4 times, and main eventers had to mention Ric Flair a maximum of 12 times. The "Flair Clause" was prominent in the 70's and 80's until the McMahon promotions began to purchase all the promotions under the WWF umbrella. The fad is still carried on in the smalled "kayfabe" promotions were "green" wrestlers would have to mention Flair as much as possible during their first taped promo. The industry calls it "Flairing" or "Doing the Wooooo" which has become an insider tradition that has lasted for decades now.
I have no clue who Olundz is. 

Ian:
  Why's Dusty gettin so political?  He took direct aim at Flair, who went on a promotional "Ric Flair for President" complete with his Agent, Wilt Arsers, posing as his fictional VP candidate and valet, under the assumed name Willy Orlundz "stretchin from Portland to Orleans (a reference to Flair's French lineage).  Dusty mistook the gimmick for the real thing and launched a competing campaign, which went largely unnoticed, though he did land on the Primary ballot in Wyoming, under the banner "Dass How Strong We Are!!" 

Ryan:
This was a shout out to his friend Olundz, who owned some farmland in Kingston, Ontario. He had a few tobacco fields that Dusty had recently looked at for purchase. For weeks, Dusty never called Olundz and decided half way through this promo that he did in fact want to purchase the land and crops. Most people would confirm this transaction, over the phone. Dusty is not most people..

 Tully Blanchard! Baby Doll!
Now den on dis day right here!
We gon start talking care of bidness and that is my Worlds Television Title that you gotta round your ways.
Now you got to deal with me and you got to face da fack that there is no place you can hide, no place you can run no where Baby Doll can stick that ugly face uhers without me finnin it. And thats a fack!

Paul:
Dusty is clearly upset that he lost the TV Title to Tully Blanchard. Tully Blanchard was a dude who built his whole career on knowing Ric Flair and didn't deserve an ounce of success that he leached from the wrestlers around him. 
On a positive note, Dusty is drawing a line in the sand and starting today he is going to stop whining and get his title back. There was no place he could hide or run ... literally. What most people didn't know was the the old AWA locker room was just an empty uHaul. They only had enough money to house and care for Ric Flair during that time causing a significant financial drain on the company at the time. Dusty (earning 500,000/yr) stayed in the uHaul with the other companies as part of "paying his dues" and still considers it to this day as a valuable life lesson.


AWA housing 1982

Ian:  But first, the business.  This match needs to be sanctioned, signed and notarized.  They both need medical exams and a quick bout of  training and vaccines before they can really get to business.  Like they always say, business before business.  That's why Tully brought along his blond underdressed lawyer. 

Ryan:
Clearly Dust is going to SMASH Tully Blanchard The Worlds Television Title. During this part of the prom, all I can hear is Metallicas "Seek and Destroy" in the background. 




 and facks are, "The American Dream" is the bess.
isheya!
and the kolloff will fall to be and Dick Slater very shawlee.
we gonna take it AWL!

Paul:
Dusty is referring to "Dirty" Dick Slater a fellow AWA wrestler and occasional tag team partner. Kolloff was a venereal disease prominent in the late 70's, early 80's and you can imagine "Dirty" Dick Slater earned his name the hard way. Dusty wanted the Kolloff to clear up as its awfully smelly and intolerable to anyone within sniffing distance of him. I'm unsure to why he would mention the deeply personal affliction of his tag team partner but I guess we can chalk it up to Dusty "being Dusty"


a penis infected with Kolloff


Ian:  Yet another overtly political outburst.  Dusty, still upset over withdrawing from the presidential race could not let go of the fantastical arch nemesis he created, named Snitchy Kolloff, who Dusty would often proclaim "will fall!"

http://garlicescapes.files.wordpress.com/2012/01/boris-badenov.jpg
Photo of the real Koloff circa 1873


Ryan:
Dusty is the best! And he is saying that him and Dick are going to take it AWL. AWL was the name of the ringside bell ringer who also made designer sunglasses.  Few other wrestlers were trying to hog AWL's craft for themselves, but Dusty being a mans man claimed here that all the custom sunglasses would be his.

You like dis hat?
You better like dis hat!
Dasno lie.

Paul:
I, personally, really like his hat - I feel sad that he has to ask.

Ian:  I like the hat.  It's better than this.

Ryan:
Dasno lie! Dustys hat is FANTASTIC!


(intermission)

Tip day hat to a lady?!
If I see a lady, I'll tip my hat!
Lemme tell you sum, Baby Doll!
Don't be comin' out here tellin' me to tip my hat to you!
If you put your hand on dis hunnid fiffy dolla lid,
I'll slap dem lips on da side of yo face!
 And I doan care if every womans on this agent in the cuntree writes me, 
is gonna happen!

Paul:
We all know now what Dusty's hot button issue is. He values his hats and will risk assault charges to maintain the pristine condition of them. He makes a very specific threat to Baby Doll about the repercussions of touching his hats and I think that's fair. We at construx do not condone anyone ever hitting a woman for any reason but I can't really see how Dusty could have made himself anymore clear. One thing I did notice is when he mentioned that he doesn't need to be noticed by his eyes, I can start to imagine that his vision is clearly in need of some attention if he thinks anyone's lips are on the the side of their faces.

Ian: Classic case of Dusty's old fashioned rhetoric being completely misunderstood for abusive threats.  Dusty merely wanted to "slap them lips" (kiss, in Dusty's colloquial candor) Baby Doll on the side of her face thus initiating the courting process and leading to marriage, as is customary in Dusty's homeland.  And he didn't care how many women wrote letters pleading him for their own and sending packages filled with hats.


Ryan:
At this time, Dusty was receiving mail (not the electronic kind) from women all across the agent in the cuntree . He was used to mail from women, begging that Dusty slap no ones lips. At this point, he was so sick of it that he put the threat out there. I hear he is still getting letters about this same slap!

Tully Blanchard! Nawgin you gawme rawl!
Tip my hat to a lady! I'm come closer to tippinit tuah jezebel downoan stree-yeah.


Paul:
In this final rant Dusty utters the words "Nawin you gawme rawl" which is a Louisiana Voodoo curse that he learned from Remy Bourgeux the owner of a tourist-centric shop called "Taste of Jobu". Dusty overheard the phrase while haggling over a small bag of cemetery dirt. Now Remy claims that the chant is meaningless, Dusty maintains it has "wild voodoo" with no further explanation. When particularly angry or when haggling he always resorts to screaming "Nawgin you gawme rawl" thinking that it will give him negotiational advantages. 

Ian:  Dusty likes it raw.  Dusty couldn't spit worse if he had a nasty chew habit.

Ryan:
Um... I am pretty sure dusty is saying he is gonna make sex on Tully Blanchards wife. It I was Tully, I would let him. I assume the hat tipping is how Dusty claimed his women..







 










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