canada cat war

Kid Rock started the Cat War?

6:10:00 AMRyan Noble

It has been a couple months since we started covering the cat war between American and Canadian cats. Though we have managed to receive both audio clips and pictures of the war, we have not been able to report why the war is actually happening. Until today... Construx Nunchux is able to confirm what started this violent scene that has taken over the Southern end of Saskatchewan. And though the war, casualties and heartbreak have been huge, the reason for the war is as small as a picture...







This picture in fact. Though this picture was captured over 4 years ago, it wasn't until early February of this year that it got into the hands of  Sgt. Mittens Buttonsworth. Though this name might mean nothing to the average person, in Canada, Mr Buttonsworth runs the CCM. No, not the sports company but the Canadian Cat Military.

If you look at the kitten who is circled in the image above, that is Breadcrumb Buttonsworth who happens to be the son of Sgt. M. Buttonsworth. Breadcrumb, who is 6 years old has been missing since he was 1. The family had assumed for all these years that he had ran away, or was taken away by a polar bear which is common in Canada. Though this was tough for the family, they had accepted it. So you could imagine the confusion when they saw this picture of their "dead" son working on what appears to be a railroad located somewhere under ground..

"F*cking Kid Rock" was the first thing said by Sgt. Buttonsworth. "I f*cking should of known it was that  f*cking Kid Rock!"

This picture shows that Kid Rock, American "musician" is forcing these kittens, including Sgt. Buttonsworths Kitten, who is now a Cat into forced labor. Sadly we have not gotten a chance to speak with Sgt. Buttonsworth about much more on how this started a war, but he sent his spokes cat named Oreo to answer a few questions for Construx Nunchux.

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Ryan Noble- Thank you for your time, I know you are busy. We appreciate any of your time greatly, sir!

Oreo-No problem, please just keep this short because I am a very busy Cat. I will allow three quick questions.

RN- Of course, thank you again. First, Mr. Oreo I would like to ask you how is the Buttonsworth family doing?

Oreo- Are you the kind of guy that would waste wishes stupidly if you found a genie lamp Mr. Noble? Of course the Buttonsworth family is broken. They are getting by the best they can. They are still alive so they are just doing their best to continue with their lives.

RN- I am so sorry.

Oreo- (interrupts Ryan) Please, dont be. Please continue I have a meeting in 5 minutes.

RN- Do you know if the war is almost over? When can Canadians expect their cats to come home?

Oreo- We dont want this war any more than you do Mr. Noble. We have invested everything into this and we have no set time on when the war will end. That is not how these things work. Once we feel that we have accomplished our goal we will be able to move on from this.

RN- And what is your goal?

Oreo- Sadly, I can't answer that. I know I dropped the claw on that last question, but I dont have time to answer anymore questions at this time. However, I imagine we can continue this on another day. I will get in contact with your people and set something up soon. Thank you for your time, and good day.

RN- Thank you Oreo, good luck and know you, and the Buttonsworth family are in our prayers.
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So this is a start. We are slowly learning more about this war. And though we don't know how these chilling pictures led to a war, or what Kid Rock is doing with this poor cats, we do know how this war might of started. As soon as we get any updates or speak with Oreo we will post it for you.

Also, if you see Kid Rock please call the proper authorities. This asshole must be stopped! Regardless of if you are #TeamCatmerica or #TeamCatada, no one supports what he is doing.. ANYTHING HE DOES!




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