We at cXnX are actually taking credit for this week's sighting as the letter originally presented to us was a suggestion for our old Saturday Caturday features (before the inevitable humor crash of April) which had been lost and buried under a stack of [aherm] legal papers that we were burning over the weekend. We noticed this one and were charmed by the rather dimwitted presentation.
Penny H., Waukesha, WA
"Paul, and Ian,
His name is Chadhunt Sparkleballs and he specializes in "cat assimilatory regulation and associate fronts" or that's what his business card says. That's how I found out about him. I saw his business card in my screen door one day. It had been cut to fit the card in it. The card had no number or address, but said, "If you want me, be outside at midnight." I was. Chad came out from behind a set of trash cans at the corner and sniffed around the alley. Eventually he snuk up behind me and scared me. I didn't know it was him until he introduced him self. I handed him the business card and invited him inside. He handed me a video of his technique while he went into the kitchen for some juice and sandwiches. He had a banana, too. When the video finished, he smacked the remote out of my hand.
|"The important thing here is not to panic," "Andy" assures the viewer in his 2 minute instructional video.|
When I got back home, Squish was his old self again!! Unfortunately, Chad had told me that Pretzel Log was "feelin' kinda blue, I dunno" and that "it wouldn't be easy" but he was willing to fix him too, at no extra chrage... wait... no, it was for an extra charge. I saw that my hutch was missing the following morning and Chad was in the bathroom picking throught the kitty litter divvying it up with Pretz (some times I canll him Pretza). "Okay this one's... mine? Yours? You take it." I buy the boys 9 Lives and they were playing checkers with it. Well, they were actually just eating it off a checkerboard... all three of them! At the end of the fourth day, Chad told me that the cats didn't like me and he would need to complete their rehabilitation elsewhere. I said I thought he had cured Squish, but he took both the boys anyway and stepped on my tv remote on the way out. Several months later, I received a postcard and a photograph from Minnesota. and all it said was, "COMPLETE SUCCESS!"
|Squish [top left] and Pretzel Log [right, standing... oh wait, sorry, bottom left, clawing the sign] demonstrating some behavioral techniques in the Twin Cities as part of the Chadhunt Sparkleballs Pan-American lecture series.|
A year later Squish and Pretzel Log were sitting at my front door. Squish smoked and Pretz had learned how to make a "tsk"ing noise, which he did constantly. I am allergic to cigarette smoke and I was tired of constantly being judged, so I had them both put down.
Thanks again and keep the cats coming!
Penelope "Penny" H.,
|An unaired scene from Andy's TV Special.|