The Cat War (Insider info)9:28:00 AMRyan Noble
Today was a very exciting day for those of us who have tried covering the cat war. If you have been following, we have had little info we could share outside some pictures and audio of the war. However, today we have some news.
My insider (It is not Rock and Roll...) has sent me a newspaper article that is circulating on the war grounds. Sadly, it is obviously written in kitten so I will do my best to translate it into human. This article is from a Canadian cat named Mittens. It is about his view on what is happening in the war, and his thoughts on what the American strategy is.
Today is just like every other day since this war has begun. I napped, ate, napped,ate,cleaned myself, napped again and then killed some cats and kittens I don't even know. Though today for the first time I received mail. Sadly it was not from my wife and kittens who are living in our nice house in Scarborough, Ontario. It was from one of my leaders.
It seems that in the next few days, America is going to start what he called "Operation Cat Nip". I was a little confused at first, trying to imagine what this could mean. After reading this I napped, and then thought about what it could mean. Are the Americans gonna try and dope us up? If this is the case, I am terrified. I don't use cat nip. In fact, I haven't touched the stuff since I was a kitten. The times I took it all I can remember was being distracted by my tail, and eating. Though, I know a few cats here have brought cat nip in for personal use, I don't think I will have the same tolerance if this is in fact what the Americans have planned.
Tonight we are planning on working on some top secret strategies. I am not allowed to explain, though it will involve over 100 rolls of yarn. We fear the plan will backfire because we are also unable to resist yarn, but we got to try anything at this point. We must win this war so in the future, our kittens will not have to fight for the rights we currently are fighting for.
I was just told it was nap time.. So I will have to end this now. If I make it another day, I hope to update this. But if, well... If I dont, I hope this war ends soon. I want to go home and see my wife, my kittens and my owners. I miss the spot in the living room where the sun light hits every morning, the food that my owners feed me and those treats that drive me nuts every time they shake the packaging. Anyways, the lights are out so I should go.
Again, all we can do is guess from this. Non of this is pretty. I would like to wish the soldiers from both sides can get out of this war, and go home where I am sure they are missed by family, friends and owners. I am not much of a prayer, but tonight I will pray for these brave cats and kittens.