owls

Owls.

9:20:00 AMPaul Clemente

Here at Construx we are very public about our love for all things cat. We raise awareness every Saturday for all cat related issues, sharing the love that cats give us on a daily basis. Sadly, our love for cats sometime distract us from the other glorious gift placed on our planet, owls (cats' only natural enemy).

Owls were invented in 1830, by part time mad scientist, Liam Owlington. Liam invented owls to solve the rampant rodent problem that plagued his small London suburb, and perform entry level magic to entertain children of the village. He created almost too perfect of a killing machine, as most evil inventions tend to go awry the owl was no exception.

Oh ... dear ...
In 1831, while performing at King William IV's birthday celebration, the group of 6 owls attacked their master after developing human emotions over time. They remorsefully killed, and maimed all 147 party guests in what was known as "The Great Owl Massacre of 1831". The owls escaped teary eyed, but unharmed. Owls remained unchecked with no natural enemies for centuries after that, expanding to an estimated 200 species of owl on every continent except Antarctica.

The word of the massacre and fall of the William monarchy, spread throughout the world giving owls a reputation of being a bad omen throughout the world. In Aztec culture, the God of Death Mictlantechi, was often depicted as being accompanied by an owl. Arabic and African cultures still see the owl as a harbinger of death. It was only the naive and young American culture revered owls as wise and powerful due to murdering William IV the long time rival of the budding nation.


pre-party hunt
Owls today are mostly nocturnal hunters due to their heavily hedonistic, partying lifestyle. Still incredibly efficient killers they use their night vision, and infrared detection to hunt small mammals. Owls also have the hollow bone structure similar to birds, but with serrated feathers makes them virtually noise-free when attacking their prey. While hunting, an owl will target its prey with a laser guided targeting system located between their nasal cavity and beak. Once targeted, the owl will extend their razor sharp claws to dismember the victim, and swallow it whole. The feathers around the eyes of the owl called a "facial disc" are used to collect the scent of it's prey and find the origin of it's location. The owl will travel up to 20 miles to track the scent, with its uncanny sense of smell. Once found the owl will regurgitate, or defecate the indigestible parts onto the nest or dwelling of the victim. This odd habit has been referred to by top Ornithologists as "being as asshole".


A typical modern day owl, will travel in groups of 6 or more (called a parliament) but hunt individually. Once finished, they will party at a location (usually a tree) determined before the nightly hunt. Owls are infamous partiers, and spread their debauchery within the area that they hunt and feed. The leader of the parliament, depicted with a monocle, once earns the title by defeating all challengers in a series of complicated riddles, never pays for drinks until his title is taken or he is killed. The owls will party until dawn, or until the entire parliament comes back from spreading feces, and vomit over the homes of their eaten victims.


for reals?
The owl during the daytime tends not to be as active as the owl during the nighttime hours. If confronted during the day, the owl will appear slow and lethargic uninterested in polite conversation. Owls were built with nictating membranes over their eyes which helps them control each eye independently. Scientists claim that eye movement helps the communicate smarminess and arrogance to any curious predators. They will sleep throughout most of the day, and usually set their cell phones to vibrate.


Overall, owls and humans have enjoyed several decades of peace and they should be recognized as one of the premier creatures on this planet. If you see an owl in your adventures between now and later, please be quiet, they party hard.

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