Rip Taylor

The REAL Rip Taylor #10: Favorite Foods

11:35:00 AMPaul

We had the chance to sit down with Rip last week and ask him a few questions, but we slept in and missed the interview. We want to begin by extending our apologies to Rip and his PR men who set up the rendez-vous at one of Rip's favorite local eateries, the Hobo Terrace. We'll be sure to catch up with you soon enough.

Passers-by, lookers-on, and plain old autograph hounds have flooded us with sightings and observations on how Rip patiently passed the time at window-side table. We thought we'd construct out of the loose odds and ends a somewhat useful portrait. Though he tried to stay incognito but he was noticed and swarmed almost instantly. Rip took his seat and was immediately served his usual appetizer, the Hobo Platter (broiled pig snouts over chocolate stroopwaffels). Even with a mouthful of Chef Garry's world famous gizzard chili, Rip was laying on the charm as he wooed ladies sitting in the vacated seat across from him till they melted like snowflake soup.

It quickly became apparent that the only way Rip would get rid of his fans was by throwing them a bone of performance. He broke out with some bits cut from his universally lauded one-man-show It Ain't All Confetti. While requests echoed from the back room for a brief sampling of Rip's inimitable impressions and inventive one-liners, but Rip quickly produced his signature deck of cards, seemingly from thin air, and gave a rare exhibition of his unparalleled magic act from "The Early Days". A large hush fell over the crowd as a small sheet fell over Rip's hand, whence he fabricated a live street urchin holding an exotic bouquet of birds of paradise. Just as quickly, the illusion vanished. He was quoted as uttering, "Now if I only I could make myself disappear."

Assured CXNX would be footing the bill, Rip began his second course with the Cheez Whiz Stuffed Holy Mackarel, commenting, "The real Wiz is the guy who created this stuff! I love it!" Rip's selected side's included Deep-Fried Applesauce Balls and Steamed Arugula ("I can't stand that s!@*%t, but it's so fun to say. Arugula!", Rip explained, leaving behind the entire steaming pile.) As Rip noticed the next wave of gawkers around the corner, he hastily ordered his dessert, a hefty slice of Rubber Treebark pie topped with a scoop of pre-sumptuous Cheddar Bacon ice cream.

The meal was abruptly interrupted by a phone call from Rip's agent. We at CXNX can confidently confirm that Rip was negotiating a 7 figure deal to promote a new energy drink. Anyone for some Riptide??

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