Ask A Clemente 2/115:08:00 PMConstrux Nunchux
Mike R Chicago IL where the hell have you gotten off to?
|Sweet Sexy Africa|
Paul: A very personal question, but when my wife is gone and there is not suitable pornography available to me. I do pull out the old globe (pre-russian liberation), and spend some time with its glorious display of the beautiful, sexy planet we live on. Although my tastes change as often as my underwear, I do like to start with Africa because it looks the most like boobs at an angle.
Usually that does the job for me, if not I usually finish off with some Australia. One time I was distracted and I saw a full frontal depiction of Florida. I don't know what that means, but I'll leave it up to me just being curious.
Lakewood NY - "who keeps assholes in check? "
Paul : The job of keeping assholes in check has been passed down since the recognition of the word "asshole" was recognized in 1933 as a derogatory statement.
|Not my problem|
|So, you fancy yourself an asshole?|
In 1945 the first international asshole checker was crowned in Winston Churchill. Winston Churchill cleaned up the political nightmare Batman left behind. He mediated several asshole uprisings, and prevented a asshole extinction level event at one occasion. Although, the asshole checker previously was dealt with high profile problems, Churchill kept his job low key and maintained a passive role asshole checking. Churchill was paramount in building international asshole relations setting up the first asshole checker web of intelligence between the US and England. In 1955 Winston suffered his most severe of his strokes limiting his ability to regulate assholes at a capacity he wanted to.
The post of asshole checker was forcibly taken by singer/actor Frank Sinatra. Him and his group "The Rat Pack" Frank claimed that him and his group of angry white men can keep assholes in check like no one before him, stating that Calvin Klein was soft, and that assholes needed to be dealt with extreme prejudice. Frank and his crew dealt with assholes aggressively, and efficiently for years until Frank's retirement in 1970.
improving the US/China asshole relations. Bruce was arguably the most efficient asshole checker in history. Through his teachings in Jeet Kune Do, and his powerful kicks he kept the US free of Chinese assholes. Bruce was a fair, and firm asshole checker. Contrary to the previous asshole checkers, Bruce's outside interests in film only helped his asshole checking image. In China he was portrayed as a pioneer in China's anti asshole movement. It was estimated that the US asshole population dipped below the 10% mark for the first time at 8.8%. Bruce balanced his job as a movie star, and asshole checker for years until his untimely death in 1973.
In 1973 they knew something drastic needed to happen, and that's when Ziggy Stardust was enlisted as asshole checker in a small intimate ceremony in London. Ziggy and his Spiders from Mars went to work immediately in the Vietnam, ending the war with a precise and deadly spider attack. The most immediate asshole threat was neutralized in 1975 when the Viet Kong surrendered under a swarm of inter-galactic spiders most presumably from Mars. After the war, Ziggy took the asshole checking duties literally, and left dozens a victim of his sexual promiscuity, and empty promises. We cannot forget Ziggy's contribution in Vietnam, but he was taken out of office as quickly as he was sworn in.
|JAWS (above) sharing in the grief of the Kent State tragedy.|
|Wait a sec, is that an asshole back there?!|
|Vous etes bienvenue|
The asshole checking business coming off it's most successful campaign since its inception looked to branch out further. France was in the midst of the biggest asshole epidemic since the rule of Napoleon. Andre the Giant was commisioned in Europe to keep assholes in check. His huge stature alone kept assholes in check. The European Asshole Rights League (EARL) tried harsh lobbying even trying to keep Andre out of France all together to protect their "right to be an asshole". Andre axe smashed all lobbyist outside France's Senate building after a demonstration. Andre's focus remained on European assholism as Mr. T paved the way to keep the US maintained at a reasonable asshole level. Andre passed away in 1993 leaving Europe a little better and the position unfilled.
With the invention of the internet, and world wide web Batman set up various programs, and surveillance to control the ebb and flow of assholism. To present day this regulates, and keeps assholes "in check".
|These labels never stick right ...|
Ian: It's funny you bring this question up, because I've often pondered this one myself. It's certainly a head scratcher, because it should be easy, right? A no-brainer. It's something we all do on a daily basis, often without even noticing it. But... It's. Not. Easy. I think back to seemingly carefree days when this was a primary concern, and I find myself getting frustrated often at the lack of appreciation we have these days when so many of us can't... Oh! Oh, sorry... you said check! My mistake...
In that case, I nominate this man...
Jamestown NY asks: Why do you always NOT finish the rest of your hotdog?
Ian: Simple! I don't finish it, because I'm leaving room for a Danish! Ha!!! Seriously, though, there's spiders in the butt ends of hot dogs.
Ian C.'s Subconscious, Astral Plane-- Final Question: What nationality are the Dunk brothers listed as?
|The Dunk Brothers getting ready for a dunk.|
Ian: [Blank stare]. Um, well this is obviously a trick question. We all know that the Dunk Bros. are listed incorrectly on the back of the trading card as hailing from Ontario, thus listing them as Canadian. Of course, their true nationality is revealed in Paul's response. Perhaps you should spend less time threatening my masculinity and more time keeping assholes in check.