diary of a madman
Diary of a Madman #611:00:00 AMPaul Clemente
This latest endeavour with the cliche name is another selfish act of mine to add to my digital epitaph. These entries are taken from a small pile of composition notebooks dating from 2008-2011. Most of these ideas were the foundation of construxnunchux to be used as a digital diary for Ian and I. I am going to transcribe some of the scribblings inside of these notebooks to share with you all. My goal always is to entertain but also to add to the deeply personal nature of this website. Enjoy.
(ed note: this was a day that a strange was nice to me and I returned the favor by being a shitty person)
I rejected someone for acknowledging my existence today at Wal-Mart. What a surprising source of honesty! I feel bad that my reaction may discourage her from doing it again with someone less miserable.
I'm not sure what bothers me the most, the insecurity, the fear, or the dishonestly of humanity. I think very little people feel this way or get this down about it since they place the blame on a source outside of their control. Or maybe they take the responsibility but vest all of the solutions into God or something else intangible.
All of my shortcomings are my fault. When I can't overcome them U di get frustrated with my own weakness and my utter lack of willpower. I know I cant break the cycle until I can re-wire my own brain.
No amount of speeches, literature, or advice can change things permanently.
I'm soooo tired of feeling guilty, anxious and beaten.