cry for help diary of a madman

Diary of a Madman #9

10:22:00 PMPaul Clemente



This latest endeavor with the cliche name is another selfish act of mine to add to my digital epitaph. These entries are taken from a small pile of composition notebooks dating from 2008-2014. Most of these ideas were the foundation of construxnunchux to be used as a digital diary for Ian and I. I am going to transcribe some of the scribblings inside of these notebooks to share with you all. My goal always is to entertain but also to add to the deeply personal nature of this website. Enjoy.




i hate that im here right now trying to extrapolate this pain 
to somehow take it aside and reason with it
analyze it
bargain with it
i am so weak
so many wounds to cauterize with tissue paper and string
im draining so fast
i know it
my body and mind waning under a cruel sky
my eyes leaden
my mind frantic like a spider on piano wire
everything is moving so fast
every blink i lose an opportunty
a moment
a day
a memory
a laugh
a feeling
a chance to fucking heal
destructive old habits comfort me and cradle me
my passive aggressive suicide feels like a warm bath




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