cat war Kid Rock.

Operation Cat Nip and more (Cat War)

7:30:00 AMRyan Noble

This morning Rock and Roll (The cat in charge of Canada/American cat relations) received e-mail from Sgt. Mittens from the CCA (Canadian Cat Army) about recent attacks from the American cat army. In an update a little while ago on, Sgt. Mittens told us about how they were expecting an attack called "Operation Cat Nip". It seems that that became a reality.

Here are parts from the e-mail that we were given permission to disclose from Sgt.Mittens.

"On Wednesday, December 26th the American Cats began Operation Cat Nip. Though we were expecting this attack, we could not have been less prepared. For a month before the attack started we tried to prepare our soldiers for these attacks. We were exposing our group to high levels of cat nip, with the hope that we could build a tolerance to the drug. Though with a few of our soldiers this strategy backfired due to how addictive cat nip is, for the most part we felt strong that this would help us get through the attack.."

"Sadly we were wrong. In the early morning, our soldiers entered the battlefield ready to fight when it began. Remote control helicopters were sent over our army, dropping cat nip all over the place. While a few of our cats were not effected by this, the majority of our guys had no self control. Rolling in the fallen cat nip, covered in the stuff our cats were so distracted by what was falling from the sky. I myself had troubles resisting the delicious narcotic that showered the open field. 10 minutes after the "Green Shower" there were more helicopters that flew over our heads. Attached were massive laser pointers. Though lasers are hard to resist under normal circumstances, they were more difficult in our high state."

"As we chased the lasers it was then that the American soldiers mad their appearance on the war grounds in massive tanks. Our cats did not notice this because of our love for the lasers that were there to distract us. "

"This day we saw the most casualties in this war. We estimate that 100 cats from the CCA were killed."

Sgt. Mittens said that the next few days are going to be dedicated to finding out which cats died and contacting the families and owners of fallen soldiers. He also told us that he will update us with some of the cats who did not make it so we can try to help it so the cats are not forgotten for their dedication to their country.

In other news, Kid Rock (@KidRock) sent out a tweet
"I just got your cats, Canada #RailRoad2013"

He is clearly mocking Canada. We do not know where he is at the moment, but the one thing we can confirm is that Kid Rock is still an asshole.. More updates as they come.

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