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cXnX Shallow Analysis (Or Mickey Dolenz's Deal Gone Down Wrong)

11:10:00 PMConstrux Nunchux

Take the last train to Clarksville
And I'll meet you at the station,
You can be here by four-thirty,
'Cause I've made your reservation, don't be slow,
Oh, no, no, no,
Oh, no, no, no.

Ian: As of this point, it seems like we've just received some pretty heavily veiled spy instructions. Okay, that's fine, I'm assuming, if I'm on the receiving end here that I am to await further instructions once at the station. I only have two issues if that's the case. First, if the caller is giving me these instructions and knows we'll meet at the station, wouldn't the time be a little more exactly planned, not just, "Ahhh, how's 4:30 sound?" Tell me when the train is supposed to arrive! Second, I will do my best not to be slow, but I really have no control over how fast this train goes. I can't guarantee there won't be a cow delay along the way. And as I try to explain this, all I receive in return is "Oh no no. Oh no no." So either this contact is a loony or dead serious, and seeing as my reservation is booked, I'm banking on the latter, or worse yet, both. I'm assuming I've been waiting by the phone for this odd job for some time now, so I comply. But there's more...

'Cause I'm leaving in the morning
And I must see you again,
We'll have one more night together
'Til the morning brings my train and I must go,
Oh, no, no, no,
Oh, no, no, no,

Ian: Okay, again, first off, what kind of train stops running in the middle of rush hour? There isn't any later train, especially if this contact is sticking around the station until morning on the vague assumption that I'll show up somewhere around 4:30. Of course, we can consider the opposite; that the train will be arriving at approx. 0430, in which case it sounds a lot more like the first train to Clarksville and anyway, 4:30 AM gives enough time to make whatever transaction before this morning departure, then again, maybe not. But moving on, if this contact needs my services for an entire night, why put me on the last inbound Clarksville train and guarantee we have the shortest amount of time together possible? Why not an earlier train? I guess, "Take the next available train to Clarksville" isn't as catchy.

And I don't know if I'm ever coming home.

Ian: Really. Really. We are left with two possibilities to consider here. One) Did this person leave home to go to Clarksville? If so, why is leave Clarksville so suddenly? More likely, Clarksville is this person's hometown who will be leaving never to return? Again, why so suddenly. This is a person who doesn't plan well, which is evident from the fact that my ticket was bought first, then I was contacted about a meeting. I almost guarantee, this person will return home, months later, a jaded failure


Take the last train to Clarksville,
I'll be waiting at the station,
We'll have time for coffee-flavored kisses,
And a bit of conversation, oh,
Oh, no, no, no,
Oh, no, no, no.

Ian: Repeating the instructions. Got it? Got it. But I thought we had an entire night together. Are you telling me all we'll have time for is coffee, making out and idle chit-chat? And I'm making this trip to your hometown, potentially with no return trip booked, just to sip a latte and peck your grody pucker? Have you ever kissed someone's lips who just downed enough coffee to give their lips the taste? Gross. Maybe it's good. I don't know. I never kissed anyone before, certainly not this cretin last time we got together. It was purely business then. And now I try to bring up business again, and I'm told "No no no no no no...."

Didi didi didi didi didi didi didi didi
Didi didi didi didi didi di
Didi didi didi didi didi didi didi didi
Didi didi didi didi didi di

Ian: Wait. Did you just start humming in the middle of our conversation?

Take the last train to Clarksville,
Now I must hang up the phone,
I can't hear you in this noisy railroad station,
All alone, I'm feeling low.
Oh, no, no, no,
Oh, no, no, no,

Ian: So you decide to tell me after this entire conversation that you haven't heard a damn word I've said?? And your solution is to hang up? Without any confirmation that I'm arriving. I guess if I'm not there by 4:30, you'll just hit the local coffeeshop and brothel. And if you are this alone and low and desperate to call me last minute and arrange a PG fling before you cut town, why not solicit a stranger in this crowded station? Or, if Clarksville is your hometown, shouldn't you be spending your last night there with friends or family? Are they all dead? The feeling low remark leads me back towards considering this is a potential drug deal. Are you selling, buying, trafficking, what?

And I don't know if I'm ever coming home.

Ian: You keep tellin yourself that, superstar.

Oh...

Ian: Oh? Yes?? Oh, what?

Take the last train to Clarksville,
And I'll meet you at the station,
You can be here by four-thirty,
'Cause I've made your reservation, don't be slow,
Oh, no, no, no,
Oh, no, no, no,

Ian: Oh, this?! You already said this. Did you forget?? I thought you were hanging up. Can you hear me better, now? If so, let me explain to you that I have a lot to do today--

And I don't know if I'm ever coming home.

Ian: Is this your trump? Is this what you think is going to convince me to come out, meet you, chug a cuppa Barista Blend, snog, snort a line and split? Why don't you construct a more sound travel plan before arranging this last minute trip?

Take the last train to Clarksville,
Take the last train to Clarksville,
Take the last train to Clarksville,
Take the last train to Clarksville.

Ian: You really just have no interest in listening to reason. You're actually starting to yell and get a little testy. Or is it because the crowded station is getting even noisier? Hello? Hello? Perhaps my contact's been double-crossed and those were the last words he ever spoke.

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