(editor's note: this was written on an old word processor in my old bedroom when I was a confused young adult. Apologies for the bad formatting, and bad style. All that is posted is true.)
The expose of the century! Finally the secrets of the Clemente Thanksgiving holiday revealed to the public. Learn the inner most workings of the Clemente family as they come together on this glorious occasion to ruin all the sanctity of the holiday season.
It was around 10 am when I awoke from a particularly good night's sleep; I listened hard to be aware of any sounds or evidence that anyone was awake also. In my mind, everything was safe so I took a brief nap. Suddenly, I was snapped out of my morning haze to hear my mom semi-cordially say " I think you should wake up and do Thanksgiving with the family" I groaned and turned over and drifted back off to sleep.... I knew what kind of trouble awaited me. The like a thunderclap my dad bursts in the room when I decided to wake up " Wake up! Clean this room! Get down stairs so you can have breakfast so me can continue the dinner making process" I told him I knew I should wake up, but it was no use he made his point and he left triumphantly. I got up took a brief shower and shaved and I listened closely to hear of any fighting, there was some but I dot know what or with whom. I went downstairs and my dad told me Hurry up and eat the "kitchen" is closed" he said sarcastically. I wasn't too sure what he meant by that because we only had coffee cake for breakfast and there was no preparation involved. Confused I got a napkin to eat it and watch the Macy's day parade "Get a plate dammit!" my dad screamed so I wasted a plate on a measly piece of coffee cake. I finally went to sit down and watch the festivities on TV and my lovely father screamed again " That's my seat!!!" I got up to watch him only hover around the seat with a cup of coffee and go back into the kitchen. I went upstairs to go back asleep...11:54am...
I was in a deep sleep when mom saying something to the effect rather politely awaked me, "I think you should get up and have some breakfast." Then she commented on my face looking weird and I told her "Of course it does I just got up." So, after she left I laid in bed for 10 minutes. I heard one interesting thing. In the midst of conversation dad interrupted himself "Don't take grapes from the fruit bowl!!!" Since he yelled at Jill, mom naturally had to shut him down and come to her baby's aid. "Is the fruit for eating or is it just decoration?" she said. I went downstairs and was instructed on what I was allowed to eat and how it should be prepared. Ignoring him I made some waffles and then went back upstairs. But before I left the kitchen, dad asked," Did you see your brother up yet?" "I didn't see him so I don't know." In a rampage he stormed upstairs. I ventured to my room to make my bed. Paul then came into my room and sort of just putzed around. He left and went back into his room and turned on some techno music or whatnot. As he heard dad's thunderous footsteps ascending the staircase, he decided it would be best to close his door and I would have done the same. Dad walked into his own room and after Paul shut his door dad remarked, "Yeah, you'd
At quarter after 1 the doorbell rung and it was grandma, aunt Susan, and sardine, this woke me from the nap I was taking, I listened to everyone cheesily greet each other, Paul and I went downstairs and cheesily greeted everyone ourselves, but not before Jill yelled at us to go downstairs. Today she has
Been on some sort of rampage or crusade is a better word to get us in trouble.... telling mom that "The boys were pounding!!!" Anyway, Aunt Susan and I decided to talk about Bowie and Iggy so that took up some time and then Paul and her started speaking of Pokemon, then Paul brought down said Pokeball. I decided to make myself comfy and sit in the recliner but as soon as I did, dad stopped me cos today it has been "his chair". I gave him an odd look and when I did, he realized that he had publicly relinquished the chair to the people. Then I decided to put the footstool up and lean back. I was brutally yelled at for this, "What are you doing? Fold it down!!" I had no idea what this meant so I just put the footstool down and that shut him up but good. Then he started being a pro at everything and interrupting me about 6 times as he must do every time there is company, disgusted Paul and I retreated to the Secret Revolution Laboratory were we are composing this article...2:16pm...
Next dinner coverage...