creativeboner drawings

cXnX XlazziX: A Typical Saturday

5:47:00 PMPaul

When we last left the growing and feuding Clemente corral, they had been held near insanity  as hostages of the rage that perpetuated and permeated throughout the household for an entire weekend from which there was no escape.  These drawings were completed in the same sitting/setting.--cXnX

Left:  "What Dad Thinks About To Make Him Angry"-

Paul: It's very much me that made him so angry, in every way I could imagine.

Ian: in the thought bubble, we see latter day teen angst Paul.  In the center of the picture, we see a hilarious depiction of our dad's glasses and bottom center, we see what can only be assumed to be a cloud of bad breath??

Right:  "Some people see the glass as half empty, some see it half-full.  This is how Dad sees it..."

Paul: Dad was very anal about how he liked his house. He would rage-fully shuffle the pillows on the couch, constantly fiddle with the thermostat, and if anything was out of place he would fix it with a pouty huff and a nervous adjustment.

Ian: This was the first drawing done, done by Paul.  The quote above is exactly what Paul said when he handed it to me.  This one definitely deserves to be enlarged to be seen in detail, including the riotous "ERROR".

Left: "What Dad thinks goes on when he's asleep..." 

Paul: This is what I genuinely believe Dad thought what we did while not under his scornfully eye. He would sleep on the couch since he refused to sleep in. He extra time he used in the morning was to fiddle with the house to make sure it was unsullied. His constant struggle to eternally preserve any type of house decor was tireless and ruthlessly enforced.

Ian:  Another one by Paul, this time featuring the characters as stick figures.  As our dad sleeps in one room in a classic pose, Paul and Ian jumpkick(!) the tv and tear into the couch with gusto.  We were often instructed on the proper way to sit on a couch as to ensure its long (non-sitting-on) life.

Right:"Damn I wish I could do something..." 

Paul: This was more of a fantasy about setting the house on fire, its as simple as that.

Ian:  Paul sets fire to the floor length curtains (maybe they were drapes?) as our Dad laments his helplessness.  Definitely created during a time where Paul reveled in the fact that he no longer needed our parents to survive and pushed buttons at every opportunity.
Left:  "Mom and Dad's Solution to a Fight, According to Jill"

Paul: This was based on Ian's astute intell when I was gone and a fight would happen. I rarely got to witness the Jill attacks, as they were rare, but viscous and swift. This was based on a particular fight if I can recall where Jill tried to use her super human ability of bossiness to intervene in a Mom and Dad fight, which was dealt with brutal aggression.

Ian:  Here is the first shot taken at our Mom as well as Jill.  We can sorta see, psychologically, analytically where each Clemente's frustration sourced from. This is based on Jill's irrational fear every time a fight started in our household that she would be the target.  In fairness, oftentimes there was plenty misdirected anger.  Anyway, note that while I gave our Mom the bad breath this time, I emphasized the horrible teeth years of smoking had left our father with.  In the second frame, please note that I stole the angry thought bubble from Paul's earlier drawings.  Last frame, please note the Casper t-shirt and the Macho Man style elbow drop.

Right:  "Paul Sean and J outside 216 Francis Rd"

Paul: This was my escape from the strife at home. My friends would pick me up, and I would spend time doing just about anything to avoid being home. At one point I would leave for 24-48 hours at a time. I'm sure Ian will mention this, but ME smoking?! Very strange. I think instead of Sean it was my friend Tony pictured on the left.

Ian:  This one illustrates Paul's angsty disaffectedness concerning the daily goings-on inside our house.  Please note he is smoking here !!!  I do want to express admiration for his rendering of the house.
Left:  "How Dad Views Himself"

Paul: This picture explains it all I think. Dad was the supreme ruler of the house, and he loved every anger soaked second of it.

Ian:  Again a pretty expert depiction of our house, althought its proportion to the mountain does set expectations fairly high.  Other than that, pretty self-explanatory.  THUNDA!!!! LIGHTNIIINNGG-AHHH!!!!

Right:  "What Dad Wishes Would Happen When He Yelled"

Paul: This was a quick picture of Dad yelling at Jill. There maybe some truth to this drawing, but I will have to ask Ian if he recalls it. Anyone peeing themselves is funny.

Ian:  A much more realistic and rarified verion of dear ol dad.  Who is he yelling at here?!  This seems like none of the Clemente childrens.
Left:  "Answering the Phone"

Paul: This was a very accurate depiction of what happened everytime the phone rang in the house. Mom would pick up everytime, and (act?) be so fucking clueless to how 20th century technology worked. A classic move would include her picking up the phone and saying "hello" at least 20-30 seconds after it was answered and properly relayed. I also love how Ian paid tribute to Mom's perpetual supply of Hanes sweat suits.

Ian:  I don't know if this counts as a legitimate mockery.  Our mom did wear sweat suits constantly and she swore by Hanes brand, but I don't think they were XL, much less XXL.  Secondly, I think when the phone rang in the house that everyone went for it and that everyone stayed on the line to spy, as happens in every household. This doesn't make it any less frustrating.  Paul in his classic trenchcoat, wielding his wily extending baton.  New York Times editorial page, here I come!!

Right:  "How Mom Sees The World"

Paul: Mom was insanely paranoid. She thought everyone was talking about her, and all situations involved her somehow. I am unclear to when she snapped, and turned her delusions to her own kind, but she was never the same afterwards.

Ian:  I think the only item of note here is our Dad's hand down his pants as he points and laughs.  I don't think he did that on a regular basis, but our Mom definitely is significantly paranoid... and everyone was usually laughing at her, just behind her back.
Left:  "Snow Shovel Caddy"

Paul: Dad's outdoor maintenance routine was as serious as complicated surgical procedures. I remember spending over an hour twice a week mowing the lawn only to fail inspection from the yard king himself (complete with homemade turban, a whole video nostalgia in itself.) Winter time we somehow got out of the brunt of the shoveling by not clearing snow to the standards  to maintain a Clemente household.

Ian:  This one did not go over so well.  I assume the premise is vague or flimsy, but pretty good execution, except for the disproportionate shovels.  This is a mock-up of how seriously our dad took winter yard maintanence (putting it on the same level as summer lawn mowing).

 Right:  "Where Dad Goes During Fights"

Paul: This was the sides our two halves of the family played (at least in our minds) when the fight would boil over into red level danger one half of the combatants would usually leave. Dad would go to his parents house to do who knows what, but this is what I assumed. This maybe the only drawing in exsistance of Pop-Pop lulling Dad into a semi-comatose state.

Ian:  As indicated previously, fights would normally last all day, or at least the awkward uneasiness of the aftermath would linger until beddy-bye time.  So, to regroup one parent would usually leave.   One would think this is to cool down, but they would come back with full tanks ready for another round.  Before we began assuming our dad went to a nearby bar, we often guessed he would go to his parents' house to vent.  In fact, we may have been tipped off to this fact by Nana and Popop themselves.  -Goo
Left:  "Jill's Solution to a Fight, According to Ian"

Paul: When things got heavy I would go into Ian's room, which was OUR room for a few years. It was alot bigger, and the colors weren't a blinding yellow so it seemed like a more peaceful environment. When Jill would get involved in the fight, or get kicked out of the area she would try to impede into Ian's room for sanctum. Ian's depiction of Mom looks like her eye exploded from her head while exchanging corpse scented barbs with eachother.

Ian:  As indicated, Jill was struck with terror when an all out shouting match began between our parents.  I became frustrated that my room seemed to become the safehouse.  This may stem from the time when we had first moved in and I chased everyone (ie Paul Jill and a friend of Paul's???) with a knife and they ran into this room for a few minutes.

Right: "In Case of Emergency"

Paul: Dad's obsessions didn't stop with just the grass, and snow removal it was to keep all the priceless gravel in the appropriate lane designated for gravel. When I was at driving age, I would creep into the driveway at a invalid's walking pace as not to disturb the driveway, but was always lamented for ruining the rocky path with my reckless driving habits. He would come home from work and angrily kick stray pieces with his Pic-Way classix, and eyeball me into my bedroom window with scorn locked and loaded in his rotten pumpkin mouth.

Ian:  Another one that was a little too cluttered with ideas to be effective.  Anyway, if a tornado carried our dad away, his last words would be to tell us to mow the lawn and all he would be worrying about would be the driveway.  I remember showing our Mom this one as well as the snow shovel one.  The fact that she not only wasn't offended by them but rather enjoyed them leads us all to some pretty obvious conclusions about the way our household operated.
Left: "Stop Wasting Water"

Paul: This was a tribute to Dad's constant struggle with water conservation. We were limited to 4 minute showers, which were monitored (not personally - thank god) and meticulous time keeping was administered. I remember one simple joy of being left home alone was being able to take a shower without fear for 5-10 minutes. Dad also petitioned a "don't flush" rule where we would all use the same toilet for one planned assembly line of human waste. If there was a flush utilized out of turn, there would be a harsh admonishment for wasting water. I'm pretty sure Ian did get thrown down the stairs for wasting water.

Ian:  Despite the somewhat high-concept presentation, including irrelevant and non-canonical depictions--note the crossword puzzle robe--this one went over very well with Paul.  A play on both our father's stringent monitoring of our water usage while washing our hands as well as his violent reactions to seemingly inconsequential infractions (like setting the house on fire).  I think Young Paul observed with apprecaition, the tongue popping out of Ian's mouth.  -Goo

Right:  "Sgt. Bob Clemente"

Paul: This is one of my favorite depictions of Dad in his famous "Casper" shirt. I'm not sure for a man who has such mental hang-ups about cleaning and order he didn't give a shit about personal appearance. He claimed all clothes were "stupid" and him not liking anything.  The commitment to his jagged root beer rock candy teeth are a classic Dad accoutrement. 

Ian:  Pretty standard representation, right down to the Casper t-shirt. One time, Dad told chubby Ian [phase 1] after sharply criticizing his eating habits, "I'm 44 (ed. ???), I'm supposed to have a gut." So I like to see this gut underscored, but not so much the bulge under it...

This is a clown.  Enjoy.

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