andy letters

Andy's Antics (7-13-11)

3:26:00 PMPaul

We struggled with the decision to post this as one of our Andy Kaufman sightings, because it does come from Philahellphia (heh heh, heh heh).  Originally, we decided to shelve it since we had so many other qulaity submissions, but with the stax of hate mail from the 19666 ZIP code now overtowering our Andy correspondence demanding an explanation for the Philly Diss we issued recently, we decided to showcase this letter from a resident of the city of Smotherly Love (heh heh, heh heh).  Hopefully this will begin to illuminate our longstanding grudge, for which we hope a peaceable conclusion can be found, preferably one that involves first born children...


Robert G., Philadelphia, PA

"Please please! [italics in original] stop encouraging your website viewers to send in photographs of themselves with Andy Kaufman.  It has made my life worse than it already is.  You see, I am employeed as a part-time security guard at the Philadelphia Museum of Art.  In my spare time, I did actually search around on the web a lot and that's how I found your site.  I was a big fan for several years.  I think a lot of your bits are good and prove you can be funny without insulting anyone.  Unfortunately, a lot of people have been coming to the museum dressed as Mr. Andy Kaufman.  I had my suspicions, but it was when I found a CONSTRUXNUNCHUX.COM bumper sticker in the possession of one of these such look-a-likes that I knew I had put two and two together.  You see the museum is a very popular place, so people think it would make a good story if the pope or kane west or andy kaufman were there, so they snap photos of works that are light sensitive to photoshop them later.  Sometimes, they will bring someone dressed in all white wrestling gear and run up the stairs or there was last week.  That was the last straw for me!  I came in on Wednesday morning to open up and he was camping out in front of the museum, fast asleep.  I woke him up and told him that I'd call the cops.  I thought that was enough to scare him, but later on I saw him in our collection of weaponry gasping and saying Look at all the toys!!  I told him to quiet down and saw he had paid admission, so I let it slide.  For what they paid me, I wasn't chasing a wacko all around the galleries.  Well, we were getting ready to close and in the modern wing, I was waved over.  Here was this Kaufman wannabe pretending to give a tour.  He was standing next to the Duchamp.  It might have been amusing, except that it was all wrong.  Duchamp did NOT write the declaration of independence or invent helium!  And half of speech was about the Sino-Japanese war!  Well, me and my buddy Kevin approached and this guy sped out the emergency exit and set off the alarm.  Well, the next day, a complaint was filed, the security tapes were reviewed and I was fired.  All because of this guy.  Something was mentioned about filming women in the bathrooms, but that's neither here nor there.  Well, Clemente Brothers, you've done it again.  Until you decide to address this problem, I will stop visiting your website and I will tear down every sticker I see posted around town.  You have my contact information.  And for the hell of it, I included print outs of the stills that got me fired.  You can send a bumper sticker and we'll call it even."

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