cry for help diary of a madman

Diary of a Madman: 1

9:03:00 AMPaul

This latest endeavour with the cliche name is another selfish act of mine to add to my digital epitaph. These entries are taken from a small pile of composition notebooks dating from 2008-2011. Most of these ideas were the foundation of construxnunchux to be used as a digital diary for Ian and I. I am going to transcribe some of the scribblings inside of these notebooks to share with you all. My goal always is to entertain but also to add to the deeply personal nature of this website.  Enjoy.

[this was a letter written to Ian - it was never sent to him but it was a commentary on our childhood and how i thought society saw us.]

What even happened to Fu-Schnickens? (scrawled on the top of the page)

Dear Ian,

I know the world isn't what it was supposed to be. I know now that all the lessons of morals, honor, and integrity we thought were the key to growing up a good person were lies. All the bullshit fairy tales we heard as kids were wrong.

There is no sun for us. It's all reserved for the deceitful, the hateful, and the greedy. People like us are left behind. We are an island.

Yet we ice skate uphill, looking for the same reward promised to us as kids. We pick scabs for scars to showcase how we've been wronged. We stick to convictions based on fantasies. We continue to shadow-box the everyone who ever betrayed us.

When does it end? Who is right? The people who stick to their guns or the ones who are constantly out-gunned?

On paper it seems ridiculous, but their reality is manufactured though who they feel envious of on TV & forcefed through idealistic greeting cards.

Excess Excess Excess

One addiction, replaced with another

-- paul

[I strayed off topic at the end but the idea behind the bulk of the message was clear and still very relevant today]

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