email mom and dad

The email that ended it all. The Evidence. (part 1)

10:10:00 AMPaul

It's been public knowledge that Ian and I at Construx have had a strained relationship with our parents our whole lives. It's been hard to overcome these trials since they have been compounded over two decades of guilt, emotional abuse, and manipulation.  What I intend to recall is the final communication between us and our parents.The entire story can be compared to an onion. It has many layers to it but as you keep peeling you still get a shitty onion.

I can't begin this story at the beginning or it would take place in the early 80's where the genesis of this long cycle of hatred begins, but I can start it at the start of the most recent event . . .

Robert Clemente (above) giving his "smug" face.
Ian had nicely sent my father an iTunes gift card for his Birthday through the mail. This was significant because its been a long time since his Birthday was recognized due to an unresolved feud or childish grudge. Now in the Clemente household, the joy of giving a gift is trumped by the sinister pleasure of saddling the recipient with the responsibility of a phone call to be thanked. This was such an important tradition growing up that I can recall a majority of family battles beginning with a forgotten or untimely phone call. The phone call was always forced upon us when we were children, our muffled insincere "thanks for the card" could not have given anyone any sense of satisfaction for a thoughtful gift.

Ian's gift was no exception to the rule. Now any father should be moved with paternal pride that his son (who lived over 500 miles away) sent him a nice token of appreciation on his Birthday. This was not the case at all. Our father used this act of generosity for a nice sturdy platform for a judgmental tirade. It was unexpected to say the least.

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In case you hate reading we did a formal reenactment of this email.

Here is my version:

The email was referring to an altercation between Ian and our sister Jill during a past visit to Chicago.  The reaction was based on the victim's side of the story and the admonishment that followed was a product of that. The berating and taunting was of Dad's own design.

Ian, in turn, shared this email with me and responded with this snarky masterpiece. On a side note if my son ever sends me a communication of this caliber I would probably kill myself.

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Again, if you can't/don't want to read it here is a formal reading of this email.

I will always use this response as an example of a complete emotional beatdown. This email was met with no response and Ian being alienated by them, a grudge which currently is being maintained to this very day.

How would you respond to someone who treated you like that? In typical Paul fashion I had to weigh in on this situation and wove a venomous email of my own basically drawing a line in the sand and siding with Ian.

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It was these emails (that were never verbally address or replied to) that became the final nail in the coffin to trying to rebuild a relationship with our parents.

Again a reading of the above email.

In all honesty, it's not easy (especially around x-mas) not to have them apart of my life. I have to constantly remind myself of the depressing reality that my life is exponentially easier without the emotional burden they would undoubtedly bring.

What I hope to bring into Part 2 of this is the argument of how much do you tolerate because they are family,  the actual romantic concept of family and how we are taught as kids to define it as something that does not exist.

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